Aswath Krishnan

Every time I browse Twitter or Reddit, it feels like the most popular sport of the day is mudslinging. People are mean, angry and ruthlessly judge, ridicule and deflate others. Social mobs are ready to get cancel hashtags trending for anything or anyone who doesn't meet their finicky standard of perfection that they can neither articulate or pass themselves. These attitudes have also inevitably crept from online to in-person interactions as well.  We have become less tolerant of differences, innocent mistakes or unfortunate circumstances of colleagues or friends, we shit talk about other people more, and we take more glee at other people's fall. Kindness and acceptance have become rare.  When we draw more lines between us and "others" and when we judge and hate, we box and limit our own experience of friendship, love and happiness. Hate, anger, judgement and tribalism take as much or more away from us as they do to the person they are directed at. These attitudes are ...

I'm somewhat soft at work and avoid ruffling feathers, so this tweet struck a chord. Heard this today from a coach, and resonated: stop chasing being liked by everyone, start chasing being respected by everyone. — Akshay Kothari (@akothari) November 20, 2020 Don't misunderstand me. Being liked feels good and being nice builds healthy and enjoyable relationships. But I find that when I'm mainly driven by wanting to please or not offend people, I end up making suboptimal or unprincipled decisions that make me unhappy and unsuccessful in the long run.  You can't control what others think of you. People have various reasons to like or dislike you. Many of these reasons are selfish, irrational, short-term and finicky. Putting your self-worth, purpose and actions at the whims and fancies of this black box is a recipe for unhappiness and insecurity. The reasons to like or dislike are also often at odds with other people's and even your welfare, principles and goals. So ai...

We get upset and unhappy about many things.  Someone something said or did upset you. Your parents, partner, friends, or kids are asking you to do things you don't want to, or they misunderstand you. They don't act in a way that you feel is right or helpful.  Your manager, colleague, or customer criticized your work, or they aren't cooperating. You didn't get the promotion or award you wanted or think you deserved.  You are running low on savings and income and worried that you can't support yourself and your family. You are in physical pain or your health is declining and you have unusual body aches and insomnias.  Your country or community is divided. The system seems broken, leaders seem corrupt, and people seem selfish and ignorant.   So many flavors of unhappiness, incessantly knocking at your door! But all of these worries and unhappiness are rooted in these four main causes. If you conquer or make peace with those causes, you can rise above all unhap...